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Go Set A Smallman
‘Maureen. Maureen! Have you seen this big string of piss? Drawing parallels between a summer hiatus in updating his little-read online blather-sheet and the 55 year wait for a follow up to Harper Lee’s...
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West Ham, Wolfsburg and White Hart Lane
We keep toying with the idea of updating this thing daily, come what may, in the same way that comedian Richard Herring has with his blog. But then we can’t be arsed. He mustn’t have anything better to...
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Not much of a West Ham preview
‘What? Make a statement through a bloody solicitor? Are you daft lad? Listen, this is a storm in a teacup. I’ll sort this out with a bit of old-fashioned common sense.’ Oh Dave Whelan, the gift that...
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Wolfsburg and Crystal Palace and that
First of all a question. What’s so technical about the technical area? It should be called something like the ‘gobby box’ or the ‘Lucozade bottle zone’. Over to you, Mr Blatter. Anyway, Wolsburg. The...
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Southampton and Disco Dancing and That
First thing’s first, if you like a bit of young person’s music and staying up until all hours then you could do a lot worse than go to a night organised by some Blues this weekend. You can get tickets...
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Everton and Footy and That
‘Come in Dave, take a seat. Just, hang on, make sure that door’s shut properly behind you. That’s great. Anyway, thanks for getting in handy at such short notice. So do you have any idea why I’ve asked...
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Newcastle and Fulham and That
There’s that bit in The Matrix when Keanu Reeves’ character begins to realise his own power and potential, looks up at Laurence Fishburne, makes the Bruce Lee ‘come hither’ motion with his fingertips...
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Cardiff City and That
Hey, why the long face? It’s all still to play for. Assuming the Europa League represents ‘all’ of course. The FA Cup was the big one, clearly, and in the recent Everton tradition we blew the big game...
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Chelsea Preview (and Swansea and that)
Apart from mad twattings, open goal misses by Hugo Rodallega and hilarious Steven Caldwell mishaps at the back, Roberto Martinez’s Continue reading →
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Swansea City Preview FA Cup Special
Let’s win this sucker for Ric Wee. With home advantage, at least two of the ‘big guns’ going out and Continue reading →
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Spurs and Palace and That
After the frustration of the Tottenham game you couldn’t really ask for more than a match at home straight away Continue reading →
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Spurs Preview
Gameweek 25 in the Premier League and it’s all to play for, boys and girls. And yeah, that is gameweek, Continue reading →
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Stevenage and the Derby and That
‘Don’t look down, lad. Don’t look down. I’ve got some good news for you and some bad news. The good news is that it’s not soft tissue damage…’ The tale […]
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Stevenage Preview
Right then, first thing’s first. Own up. Come on, we’re not going on until you do. One of you knows who it was. According to the admin tools of this […]
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West Bromwich Albion Preview
‘First they came for the Geordies and I did not speak up, because I was not a Geordie. Then they came for that terrifying kid who supported Leeds and was […]
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Norwich City Preview
Thanks for all the messages informing us that a raw, unfiltered version of this preview was released onto the market in error on Thursday night. Rumours have it that a […]
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Sunderland and Southampton and That
The games are officially coming all Darren Huckerby now – that’s right, ‘thick and fast’ – so once again we adopt the lazy-arse scattergun approach of talking about what’s going […]
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Swansea and Sunderland and That
Big wheel keep on turning. This is being written dead late by which time you’ve read every last match report online or if you’ve not got a computer you’ve at […]
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Swansea Preview
‘The English language is the wall that divides us, and ‘fuck’ is my chisel’ – Tommy Tiernan, 2008 Right then, Swansea City away. It’s going to be a short one […]
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Fulham Preview
Let’s do it for Martin Jol. You have to feel for the big Dutchman don’t you, when you think of him on that crisp, fateful morning, turning into the training […]
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